bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.