Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
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Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.