just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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