So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
