chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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