How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
