I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
