hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
kristin has been a bad kristin
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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