My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.