just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
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I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.