why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Dating After Heartbreak
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN