he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?