I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize