Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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