Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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