Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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