So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
