And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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