she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
