this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
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We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
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ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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