Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize