I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize