Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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