So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
