Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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