Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i've created a new STD.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
