Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
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The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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