Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Randomize
