dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
