Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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