fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
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god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
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Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.