I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream