i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...