Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
