I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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