She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
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according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
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This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night