i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?