Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
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If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
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The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(