His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
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There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
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Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I would fuck him just for his dog
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend