just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
