You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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