You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
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You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
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He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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