'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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