nut hugger
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
