So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad