Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You took a bar mat shot.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap