Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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