oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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