i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.