i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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