Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize