So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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