is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
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