somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
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I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
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Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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