In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
