You're completely useless in the revolution.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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