her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
