Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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