I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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