You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
